I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
