You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
