I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
