oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
