I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
