If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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