Your face is a jimmy john
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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