Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
