Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
