I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
