Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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