how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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