If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
