rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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