I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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