sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
