He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
