she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
