I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No subtext here. People are naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
