Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
