i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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