that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
