you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
