so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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