hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
