everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
