Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
