I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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