I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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