I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
