His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
