Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
