is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
