In the future we'll all be gay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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