Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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