Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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