and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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