speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
