I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
