I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
