Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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