not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
