I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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