Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
