So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize