Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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