yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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