Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
