I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
