Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
