if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
