The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
