If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
