Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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