if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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