A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
