dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
