Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's never too late to be topless.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
