By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize