i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
