Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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