The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
