So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's blow job season.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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