Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
