WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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