I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
