You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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