Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
