I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
