he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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