I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
