I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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