Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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